Harry Kane meets Harry Kane, or is it Nicolas Cage?

“The food was disgusting. The meat was a piece of wallaby wing. I just couldn’t bring myself to eat a wallaby.” – Six years after winning I’m A Celebrity, Harry Redknapp still thinks a wallaby is a bird.
The number of times Pep Guardiola lost a home game by four goals during his managerial career, before Saturday. “You’re getting sacked in the morning,” the unkind Spurs fans bellowed.
It was back in February that we brought you the unfortunate news about a statue of Harry Kane, which was commissioned by Waltham Forest Council in 2019, sitting in storage covered in cobwebs after Transport for London blocked plans for it to be placed in a train station in Kane’s native Chingford.
Mercifully, the statue has been set free, Kane himself helping unveil it on his home patch last week. “A real proud moment for me to go back to where my life in football began and unveil a statue,” he tweeted. “I hope it helps inspire the next generation to work hard and believe in themselves.”
The replies? “Who is the statue of?”. “Looks a bit [like] Rolf Harris.” “They should have put it in the Spurs trophy room, plenty of space there.” “The one on the left probably does more interesting interviews.” “I see you’re sitting on a bench. That’s where you should be for England.” “Great that Nicolas Cage made an appearance.” “It was meant to be an upright statue, but it kept falling over.” “That statue’s got more movement in it than you had at the Euros.” Warmly received, then.
Ian Holloway reckons he’s figured out why his Swindon Town side is struggling. “Our training ground is haunted. It’s very close to an ancient burial site so I’m going to get my wife to come up with some sage, say sorry to all these people and hopefully we’ll have a bit more luck.”
Did it work? Well, they lost at home to Morecambe on Saturday and are now joint bottom of League Two, so no. But a paranormal investigator by the name of Brocarde, who was once married to the ghost of a Victorian soldier (sadly, they later divorced), told the Swindon Advertiser that the ghosts should be left where they are.
“One hanging around the training ground may have been a star striker when they were alive,” she said. Holloway might be tempted to play him up front in the hope he’ll ghost in behind opposing defences and score actual goals. For now, the spectre of relegation looms large.
“The attraction for me lies in a club where I can develop and win titles.” – Bayern Munich’s Leroy Sane somewhat rudely dismissing talk of him joining Manchester United.
“He got me up to draw an elephant. He asked how good I thought it was. I told him, ‘not very’. Then he asked, ‘if you practised it every day, how good would your elephant be?’ “I replied, ‘pretty good’. He said, ‘in six months, your elephant will be perfect’.” – Kellen Fisher on Norwich boss Johannes Hoff Thorup’s rather unique way of driving home the theory that practice makes perfect.
“Yes, this story has a basis in truth, but once Salah renewed his contract that made Antony’s move to Liverpool impossible.” – Antony’s agent Junior Pedroso confirming that Liverpool were interested in signing him in 2022. Your loss Liverpool, your loss.
How did Watford defender Francisco Sierralta’s trip for Chile’s World Cup qualifiers away to Peru and at home to Venezuela go? Not great. Flight times. London to Santiago: 15 hours. Santiago to Lima return trip: seven hours. Santiago to London: 15 hours. Minutes played in the two games: Zero.
Then, a four hour taxi trip from Heathrow to Plymouth for Friday’s Championship game. Sierralta came on in the 95th minute to help shore up Watford’s defence when they led 2-1, at which point they conceded a 96th minute equaliser. And then it was on to the team bus for the four-hour journey back to Watford. At that point, you’d imagine, the poor lad didn’t know what planet he was on.